Not blogging from Las Vegas

O.K., my intentions were noble. I was going to blog several times from Vegas about the things that we were doing, and the food that we were eating, but.... Well. I didn't. At all. We've been home now for a week, and I am just now sitting down to write.

Patrick had to go to Las Vegas for two conventions. He hadn't been there since he was a kid, and I've never done Vegas, so we thought it would be a good for me to tag along. Especially since our 15th wedding anniversary is in a mere two months, and because he hasn't accumulated very many vacation days yet, our dream of a cruise to Alaska or a trip to England just wasn't going to happen!




Anywho... The conferences that Patrick attended were hacking conventions - Black Hat and Def Con. As in computer hacking and the security aspects that go along with it. We were sufficiently warned about the conference. Several of the things we were told were not to bring any device with wifi into the hotels that were holding the conventions and not to use the ATM there either. But I figured that we were not staying in the same hotels with the conference, and we have a Mac! When I decided that I had seen enough to blog about, I pulled out my laptop, and went to log in, and saw several wifi connections - one was named "Virus". I thought about the chances of being hacked on a Mac, but decided to go with my gut and NOT connect. I don't like to gamble with much of anything, including the computer!

As stated, I'm not much of a gambler. So, Vegas was a little boring for me while Patrick was busy with the conference. It was unbearably hot, although not too much hotter than St. Louis. But I don't spend very much time outside walking around here!

The next sentence will shock those of you who know me: I spent several days at the pool. Thankfully I found a great spot under umbrellas and shaded by trees. It was quite nice and relaxing once I got over my panic attack of wearing a bathing suit for the first time in years! I stepped out of my comfort zone, and wow was it hard. Even before leaving the room, dressed in my new bathing suit and cover up, my heart was pounding like mad and I was having trouble breathing. The long walk to the elevator and then to the pool was pure torture. I was hunched over trying to hide, and shaking! I was in pure panic being in a bathing suit. By the second day, I was a little more comfortable, although the only time I took the cover up off was when I was in the pool. Perhaps next time I'll be better. Maybe. We'll see.

I spent a lot of time writing Morning Pages, which I hadn't done in a long time. As well as window shopping, and drooling at all of the beautiful things that I wanted but can't afford! With all of the Tiffany, Louis Vuitton, Prada, Fendi, Gucci and the like... Oh my. See, I have a purse addiction, so it was very hard to walk out of those stores without big bags. But, I did it. Several months ago I promised myself that once I lose a certain amount of weight that I will buy one of those purses. I was originally thinking it was going to be a Louis Vuitton, but now, I'm not sure.




We spent several nights and days at the Fontana Bar in the Bellagio. We spent most of our time in the Bellagio. It was so easy to just stay in the hotel, rather than go out into the heat. And watching the fountains from the patio was very beautiful and relaxing.

We did not eat one bad thing the week we were there. But it's hard to say what my favorite meal was. I fell in love with the bread basket and the tapenade at Todd English's Olives. I truly wonder if I could live on that bread, wine and cheese? I would be very happy if I did! I have been using my bread machine instead of making it by hand for the past few years, but I think that is going to change soon.

The dim sum at Noodles in the Bellagio was fantastic.

But I do think that the best evening belongs to our dinner at Sensi before we went to the Cirque du Soleil show of "O". The whole evening was wonderful, and I can't wait to see both "O" again, as well as other Cirque du Soleil show. Sensi was fantastic, between the attentive wait staff, the unique mixture of textures in the design of the restaurant itself - mixed stones, water features, different woods and glass, and the delicious food, oh, it was pure delight. I was excited to see Tandoori Butter Chicken on the menu because I had recently read a fantastic article on NPR about this dish that intrigued me greatly. It did not disappoint and I think that I will be making this dish soon. If you want to make it, just click on Tandoori butter chicken to see the article, and recipe. Of course, I can't make it too often, if I want to get that Louis Vuitton!

ZenJen's Dream Board

Sandy at Peaceful Daily says it best:
A vision board is a place where you keep everything that you want
to create in your life.

For several months now I've had the idea for a dream or vision board rolling around in my head. I've been thinking about what pictures and words that I needed to help me concentrate on what I want in life. I knew that a dream board would help me visualize these thoughts, and give me something to focus on while I was meditating. Or, I suppose I should say while I am trying to meditate because I'm not very good! Yet.

But, I never got down to the nitty-gritty and actually created one. I was going to create it the manual way - cutting out pictures and words that I liked and posting them to a board. Using my own calligraphy to write out words that would help me.

Words like Friends, Family, Strength, Travel, Peace...

But a few weeks ago, while reading my emails - I read about dream boards in my Peaceful Daily email. I enjoy getting these daily updates, and have used several of the ideas in my life. When I read that there may be an easier way to create a Dream Board, I was ecstatic. Then I saw that it was on Oprah's website, and I was not sure. I have a lot of respect and like Oprah, but I don't watch her show (I don't watch daytime television) and until today I had never visited her website. But I will say I was very impressed with how easy it was to create my own board. I didn't use any of my own personal pictures, but you can if you have them on your computer. I'm very happy with my first board, although I will probably use some of my own pictures, and calligraphy for my second board. I'm already thinking of making another with other goals and hopes!

I hope that you will make your own board, it is quick and easy at
O Dream Board. I look forward to seeing what dreams you have!

A delicious Almond Blueberry Coffeecake to say I'm sorry

I knew it had been a long time since I've written, but I hadn't realized just how long it has been until today. Wow. I'm not exactly sure what I've been up to for the past - ahem - 2 months or so. But, I feel as though I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. There have been so many days when I've made something, and thought "I have GOT to write about this!", and then haven't done so. There have been more days when I've been busy in the kitchen, and once I taste the finished product, have thought to myself "Nope, not good enough to share."

We didn't buy a lot of packaged foods before, but I think I have been doing quite well with using even less. I've made several batches of crackers, and last week I spent hours fighting cherries and blueberries making a ton of freezer jam. I noticed this morning that my fingers are finally back to a flesh color!

This was only some of the mess I made while crushing the cherries. There was cherry juice EVERYWHERE.

This is only the cherry jam. When I was done with the blueberry jam, I was so tired, I forgot to take a picture. But I didn't mind the mess or the exhaustion because now we've got plenty of jam in the freezer to add to our homemade yogurt, and to use in recipes.

Lately, every morning for breakfast, Patrick has a yogurt and something extra. This week, I asked him what he had a craving for, and he requested a coffeecake. I don't make coffeecakes very often, and when I do make them we usually eat them as dessert. As soon as he mentioned it, I knew I wanted to use some of this bounty of jam I have stashed in the freezer.

I looked through a lot of my cookbooks, and couldn't find a recipe that matched what I had already come up with in my head. One of my favorite cookbooks is "The American Country Inn and Bed and Breakfast Cookbook" by Kitty and Lucian Maynard. I have both Volume One and Volume Two as well as the Best Recipes Collection. In Volume One I found a recipe for an Apple Coffee Cake from Murphy's House Bed and Breakfast in Great Fall, Montana that I knew I could tweak to get the results that I was looking for. This will definitely be a recipe that I make more often!

Almond Blueberry Coffeecake

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
2 teaspoon almond extract
3 cups all purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
approximately 20 ounces of jam, any flavor
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons melted butter

Preheat the oven to 350. Grease a 9x13 inch baking pan.

In a medium mixing bowl cream the 1/2 cup butter and the 1 cup sugar with an electric mixer. Add the eggs, the almond extract and the milk, mixing well after each addition.

In a separate bowl combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture.

Pour half of the batter into the prepared baking pan. Spoon half of the jam over the batter. Repeat with remaining batter and jam. Sprinkle the top of the final jam layer with brown sugar and nuts. Drizzle with melted butter. Bake for 35-45 minutes until a wooden toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Serve warm.

Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done

All You Need is Love (Lennon-McCartney)

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time It's easy.

Is it easy?

If anyone has noticed, I haven't blogged in a while. I understand if you haven't been paying attention. I've been going through a crisis of sorts. Everyday I think about things I can blog about, recipes to share or thoughts about life. But then I over-analyze it all. I get the song "All You Need is Love" going through my head. Along with the philosophy that nothing in the universe is new - that everything has been done before. Most importantly I think about how I doubt my capacity to do it better than those who have come before me.

Honestly, I've always had this problem. I am only now realizing that this is the main reason why I have such a hard time finishing, well, anything. I am terrific at starting things, but finishing them... I know that this is not a healthy way to look at life, and yet I find it difficult to change.

I'm not working right now, because I'm supposed to be trying to write the "next Great Novel". But I find myself unable to write. Unable to put the ideas and thoughts I have to paper (or computer). I fight with myself because I am so afraid of hurting any one's feelings if I happen to write something that even as a hint suggests friends or family.

I guess you could say I'm really not sure what I'm doing. But I guess the next question I have for everyone is this: Does anyone really know what they are doing with their lives?

I truly envy those who know exactly what they want to do or be. A few years ago on our trip to Vienna and Prague we met this young woman who astounded me. She was an American visiting Vienna and it's symphonies. She was a high school student who played the flute, and her mother and aunt were with her. After talking with her mother for a while, I learned that this young woman had asked for a flute when she was 4. Four. She had seen someone playing a flute on TV, and decided that was what she wanted to do. She spent hours every day practicing her flute. She studied and was learning everything she could about Classical music. All I kept thinking as I was talking with this brilliant young woman was "Wow. To know without a doubt what you want to do in life. Wow."

I'm edging closer and closer to that 40 mark, and I still have no clue what I want to do when I grow up. Do you know what you want to do?

Okay, enough philosophy and ramblings for today. Because I do have a recipe I want to share with you.

I've made Baked Penne with Roasted Vegetables by Giada De Laurentis that I found on FoodTV twice now. Each time I make it I'm surprised with how much I like it. This last time I made it, we were shopping at the Commissary and I was unable to find either Fontina or smoked mozzarella. For those of you who are lucky enough not to have had the pleasure of shopping at the Commissary, it is the grocery store on all US Military Installations. The Commissary is a great store where you can normally save money on groceries. However, it is hard to get "gourmet" things there sometimes. I substituted regular mozzarella and gruyere cheese with wonderful results.

Baked Penne with Roasted Vegetables

from Giada De Laurentis

2 red bell peppers, cored and cut into 1 inch wide strips

2 each zucchini and summer squash, quartered lengthwise and cut into 1 inch cubes

4 cremini mushrooms, halved

1 yellow onion, peeled and sliced into 1 inch strips

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1 teaspoon salt, divided

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, divided

1 tablespoon dried Italian herb mix or herbs de Provence

1 pound penne pasta

3 cups marinara sauce (store bought or homemade)

1 cup grated fontina cheese

1/2 cup grated smoked mozzarella

1 1/2 cups frozen peas, thawed

1/4 cup grate Parmesan, plus 1/3 cup for topping

2 tablespoons butter, cut into small pieces

Preheat the oven to 450F.

On a baking sheet, toss the peppers, zucchini, squash, mushrooms, and onions with the olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and dried herbs. Roast until tender, about 15 minutes. (I roasted the vegetables the last time I made this recipe for a total of 25 minutes.)

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook for about 6 minutes. Since you will cooking the pasta a second time in the oven, you want to make sure he inside is still hard. Drain in a colander.

In a large bowl, toss the drained pasta with the roasted vegetables, marinara sauce, cheeses, peas and remaining salt and pepper. Using a wooden spoon, gently mix, until all the pasta is coated with the sauce and the ingredients are combined.

Pour the pasta into a greased 9 by 13 inch pan. Top with the remaining 1/3 cup Parmesan and butter pieces. Bake until top is golden and the cheese melts, about 25 minutes.

I lead a quiet life

I think it all started some time ago, when I read the Isabel Dalhousie mysteries by Alexander McCall Smith, and I fell in love with his writing, the charming and gentle nature of the stories as well as the moral conundrums that are posed within the books. I feel very connected with the main character and her fights with philosophy. She leads a very quiet and gentle life .

I lead a quiet life.

I've had this sentence going through my head for several weeks, if not months now. I've wanted to describe the feeling, yet I haven't felt ready to put those words down into any tangible form. Today I woke up and decided to try to put some meaning behind this sentiment.

I lead a quiet life. I think some people think that my life is boring, and to be honest, sometimes I think it is as well. My quiet life is partly by design, but also because of circumstances. I think some people like me, have spent so much of their lives with drama... with complications that we like things quiet... easy.

It has taken me a very long time to realize that there are two places that make me feel completely at peace. That help silence the nagging and the guilt and the frustrations that I feel. I can't believe that it took me so long to figure these out, but I am happy that I know now! The first one I think I always have known, and it is near water. Any large body of water. I love to sit or stand and just be. I stare out at the water and feel a great peace come over me. As we are in the Midwest right now, I don't get a chance to sit and stare at water much - but I'm hoping we will be back to water someday! And NO - I do not count the Mississippi as water. At least not in the ST. Louis area.

The second I should have known, because I am a reader, and always have been. The second place that I find my peace in is a bookstore. Preferably a quiet one with lots of wood shelves and creaky stairs leading you into further areas to explore. My absolute favorite bookstore is The Elliot Bay Book Company in Pioneer Square in Seattle. They unfortunately are relocating out of the walls that I remember and love into a new flagship store. I want to cry when I think that I have not stepped foot into that wonderful establishment in over 10 years, and since they closed at the end of March, I will not get a chance to again. I have found one bookstore here in St. Louis which is similar, but not quite the same - Left Bank Books. Thankfully, now that we have a house, and I am lucky enough to have an office where I can put my books, I can sit in here and stare at my bookcases (below is one of my bookcases), and let the peace wash over me.


A perfect quiet day for me is taking the dog for a walk. Meditating or doing some form of exercise, then hopefully I get some writing in, or do any of the other projects I have dreamed up. Cooking something good and good for us, perhaps letting it simmer or bake while I am curled up on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea. And then, perhaps when Patrick gets home we'll watch a movie or some TV that we've DVR'ed. By then it is normally time for bed, only to start the day over again tomorrow...

Someday I hope to have children, to be close to friends, and to have more going on. But for now, I am enjoying my quiet life. It has taken me a long time to get here, and to (almost) be comfortable with it. But I'm happy I'm here.

Finally watched Food, Inc

I have been trying to eat well for a long time. I cook from scratch most of the time and I try to buy organic and sustainable produce and meat. I make yogurt, I used to make all of our bread, we don't eat at fast food restaurants, I limit our meat intake, and I try to eat as little processed food as possible.

I've read "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver, "Omnivore's Dilemma" and "Food Rules" by Michael Pollan. In my huge stack of to be read novels, is Michael Pollan's "In Defense of Food. I'm trying to do Weight Watchers, but I've been getting frustrated by the amounts of what Mr. Pollan calls edible foodlike substances in many of the recipes.

Because both Patrick and I love to cook and eat, I've been trying to get him to read either "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" or "Omnivore's Dilemma" so that he could understand what I was trying to accomplish and why. He has been so busy with work and studying for a certification exam that he hasn't had the time to spend reading. I knew that watching "Food, Inc" would be a good idea for both of us, but I also knew that it would be very disturbing.

So, I put it off.

For a long time.

We finally sat down this past weekend to watch it. And yes, it is difficult to watch. But I think it is important for everyone to see where our food is coming from. If you haven't watched it - watch it. But know that it will disturb you.

Now we are on a mission. I am not working right now. So, I'm upping my game so to speak. It is probably going to be a little more expensive, but that is a price I am willing to pay. I am going to cook even more than I did before. I am going to make crackers, granola bars, and other things most people don't even think about making by hand anymore. We are going to buy only organic or sustainable meats. And this is just the beginning!

For those who want to make a change, but aren't sure where to start. I recommend reading "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" first. I found it easier to read than "Omnivore's Dilemma". Both of the books will make you turn away sometimes, but "Omnivore's Dilemma" is much more graphic, and for the faint-hearted it can be disturbing. I had to put it down a few times, and it was very hard to pick it back up!

I recently found and absolutely adore Michael Pollan's "Food Rules". It is described as a definitive compendium of food wisdom. Almost all of us know most of these rules, we just forget them from time to time. The basic premise is: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Which is so true. It has many rules that will make you laugh - such as #20 It's not food if it arrived through the window of your car. Even before I read this book, I was already thinking I was going to try to be and eat more like my cousin Robin and her family in Switzerland. So, rule #41 really hit me close to the heart - Eat more like the French. Or the Japanese. Or the Italians. Or the Greeks. The American diet is flawed in so many ways, and it doesn't matter which food culture you decide to try to follow, as long as it makes you happy and is possible for you. For me, and the Swiss diet, it will be eating smaller portions of very good food with little or no snacking.

Below is a short list of websites that I recommend you visit if you are interested in learning more.

Food, Inc - the movie
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle - Barbara Kingsolver
Michael Pollan website
Local Harvest, is a fantastic website to find local produce all throughout the US, as well as to order organic or sustainable meat from reputable providers.

A Tale of Two Black Bean and Squash Soups, Part One

This is the first part of a story of two very similar soups.
They are both black bean and squash soups,
yet they are very different in their making and their presentation. And I think they are both absolutely delicious.

I have both the original "The Vegetarian Epicure" and "The New Vegetarian Epicure",
so imagine my delight when I saw that Anna Thomas had a new cookbook out called
"Love Soup". Which is perfect for me, because I truly do love soup. I also love beans, so after thumbing through the book a bit, I found a black bean and squash soup that looked very interesting. I have a short memory sometimes, and had forgotten about the other black bean soup, until I tasted this one!

This incarnation of black bean and squash soup will take you a couple of hours to put together.
This is the type of soup that you are going to start on a lazy Sunday afternoon,
when all you have to do is read the newspaper and relax. You could substitute canned black beans, and frozen butternut squash, to similar results. But I hope that you will take the time to make this from scratch once.

I love the way fresh vegetables look when they are sitting and ready to go in a dish.
Doesn't this butternut squash look good?

And will you laugh at me if I tell you that I enjoy running my fingers through chopped vegetables and beans? I feel like Scrooge, playing with his coins. The textures make me smile.

The only thing that I dislike about soup is that it is not the most photogenic subject.
Especially bean soups that have been pureed.
Although this may not be the most beautiful pot of soup, it sure does tastes good!

This soup is quite sweet, but in a good way. I added a generous seasoning of Sriracha, and Patrick added a touch of Smack my Ass, our favorite hot sauce from a fantastic Mexican
better-than-fast-food restaurant called Tijuana Flats. Unfortunately there are none in the Missouri area, so we have to order our hot sauce online. If you have a moment, check out their manifesto, which makes me laugh every time I read it! I served this with my favorite cornbread, and the red cabbage an apple salad from "Love Soup".


Black Bean and Squash Soup
from Love Soup by Anna Thomas

1 1/4 cups dried black beans
4-5 cloves garlic, peeled
6 fresh epazote leaves or 1 1/2 teaspoon crumbled, dried epazote ( I omitted)
1 1/2 teaspoons sea salt, plus more to taste
1 small kabocha or butternut squash (1 1/4 - 1 1/2 pounds)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 yellow onion, chopped
1 bay leaf
1 medium carrot, finely chopped
1 large stalk celery, finely chopped
1-2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped
1 scant tablespoon cumin seeds, toasted and ground
1 1/2 cups vegetable broth
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

garnish with:
fruity green olive oil
crumbled fresh white cheese such as queso fresco

Rinse the black beans and combine them in a large soup pot with 7 cups water, the peeled garlic cloves, and the epazote. Bring the water to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer the beans, covered, for at least an hour, or until they are tender. The time will vary with the age of the beans. When they are tender but not mushy, add a teaspoon of salt. Using a slotted spoon, lift out about a cup of the beans and put them aside.

While the beans are cooking, preheat the oven to 400F. Cut the squash in half, scrape out the seeds, and lay the halves cut side down on a lightly oiled baking pan. Roast the squash for 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until it is soft. Allow it to cool slightly, then scoop out all the soft pulp.

At the same time, heat the olive oil in a skillet. Add the chopped onion, the bay leaf, and a pinch of salt, and gently saute over medium-low heat, stirring often, for about 25 minutes, or until the onion is soft and golden brown. Remove the bay leaf.

When the beans are tender, add the chopped carrot, celery, and jalapeno peppers to the beans and their broth and simmer for about 10 to 12 more minutes, until the vegetables are tender. Add the roasted squash, the caramelized onion, the cumin, and the vegetable broth.

Allow the soup to cool slightly, then puree it in a blender, in batches, or with an immersion blender, until it is smooth. Return the soup to the pot and add the reserved whole beans and the lemon juice. Taste, and correct the seasoning with more salt if needed.

Serve the soup hot with a thick drizzle of fruity olive oil and a sprinkle of crumbled white cheese on top of each serving.