I lead a quiet life.
I've had this sentence going through my head for several weeks, if not months now. I've wanted to describe the feeling, yet I haven't felt ready to put those words down into any tangible form. Today I woke up and decided to try to put some meaning behind this sentiment.
I lead a quiet life. I think some people think that my life is boring, and to be honest, sometimes I think it is as well. My quiet life is partly by design, but also because of circumstances. I think some people like me, have spent so much of their lives with drama... with complications that we like things quiet... easy.
It has taken me a very long time to realize that there are two places that make me feel completely at peace. That help silence the nagging and the guilt and the frustrations that I feel. I can't believe that it took me so long to figure these out, but I am happy that I know now! The first one I think I always have known, and it is near water. Any large body of water. I love to sit or stand and just be. I stare out at the water and feel a great peace come over me. As we are in the Midwest right now, I don't get a chance to sit and stare at water much - but I'm hoping we will be back to water someday! And NO - I do not count the Mississippi as water. At least not in the ST. Louis area.
The second I should have known, because I am a reader, and always have been. The second place that I find my peace in is a bookstore. Preferably a quiet one with lots of wood shelves and creaky stairs leading you into further areas to explore. My absolute favorite bookstore is The Elliot Bay Book Company in Pioneer Square in Seattle. They unfortunately are relocating out of the walls that I remember and love into a new flagship store. I want to cry when I think that I have not stepped foot into that wonderful establishment in over 10 years, and since they closed at the end of March, I will not get a chance to again. I have found one bookstore here in St. Louis which is similar, but not quite the same - Left Bank Books. Thankfully, now that we have a house, and I am lucky enough to have an office where I can put my books, I can sit in here and stare at my bookcases (below is one of my bookcases), and let the peace wash over me.
A perfect quiet day for me is taking the dog for a walk. Meditating or doing some form of exercise, then hopefully I get some writing in, or do any of the other projects I have dreamed up. Cooking something good and good for us, perhaps letting it simmer or bake while I am curled up on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea. And then, perhaps when Patrick gets home we'll watch a movie or some TV that we've DVR'ed. By then it is normally time for bed, only to start the day over again tomorrow...
Someday I hope to have children, to be close to friends, and to have more going on. But for now, I am enjoying my quiet life. It has taken me a long time to get here, and to (almost) be comfortable with it. But I'm happy I'm here.
