It's starting to look a lot like Autumn!

Oh how I love Fall!
Or perhaps I should call it Autumn...

I have always been a bit misunderstood by these two terms, and how they are used interchangeably. In researching these two terms, I found that technically "Autumn" is when the air begins to be crisp almost, cool and the leaves are changing. "Fall" technically begins when the leaves, well - fall. When the weather is cold, not cool.

I had no idea that there were two parts of this season, but it doesn't matter, because it is my favorite season! I love the way the air smells fresh and new. I love the to watch the colors of the leaves change. I love that slight crackle sound that the leaves make when you step on them. I relish in the cooler air, and I yearn to wear sweaters and sweatshirts.

We have been in the mid-west now for almost two years, and this past summer has been hot. Too hot for me! This July I found myself singing "Wake Me When September Ends" by Green Day over and over again to myself. Just waiting for the cooler weather to come.
Thankfully, we are finally getting some cooler weather here in the mid-west. It's still not as cool as I would like it to be, but I need to remind myself that it will be soon.

On the first cool day of the season I opened every window in the house as wide as they would let me, and stood in front of the windows letting the cool - almost cold air brush over me.Patrick stood in front of the window with me for a moment or two. He proceeded to tell me that I was nuts, and immediately went to put on warmer clothes. But it felt so fantastic to me.

I will admit that eventually I did go and put on a sweatshirt and socks to keep warm. But I refused to close the windows! It just felt too good.


I know that sometimes I am a bit overzealous with my emotions. I try to hold them in, but that just doesn't happen all the time. Especially when I'm walking in our local Farmer's Market and I spy the first pumpkins! I think there were a few tears in my eyes that day. I immediately begin to dream of all of the dishes I would make. So far, I've only bought two pumpkins - and this is the first I've cooked. I dream of making pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin risotto, pumpkin bread... The list could go on and on. But for me it's the soups. You may have noticed that I love soup. My thoughts were settled when a Facebook friend mentioned Squash and Apple Curry soup several times in the past few weeks.

We finally took the time to find the Costco in St. Louis last week, and renewed our membership - it's been more than 10 years since we've lived near enough to one to shop there. I had forgotten how fantastic they can be. But when I saw these beautiful looking Asian Pears - my mind was made up. I was making Roasted Pumpkin, Asian Pear Curry Soup!



I adapted the recipe from one I found on The Gracious Bowl for Butternut Squash and Pear Soup. Pumpkin and butternut squash are almost interchangeable, although sometimes pumpkin can be a tad more bitter than the sweet of butternut squash. Just remember to buy eating pumpkins or squash, not the large pumpkins we carve for Halloween!

I served this for dinner tonight with sourdough grilled sharp cheddar cheese sandwiches with thinly sliced Asian pears inside. For me, this was a perfect light meal for Autumn.

Pumpkin and Pear Soup

1 medium-large cooking pumpkin
1 yellow onion, diced
2 Asian pears, peeled, seeded, and cubed
1 tsp curry powder
1 tsp powdered ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper (or more to taste)
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
3 cups chicken or vegetable broth
heavy cream or half and half, to serve (optional)

Quarter and seed the pumpkin and rub with olive oil, salt and pepper then roast at 400 degrees until soft, about 30-40 minutes. Let cool and scoop out the flesh.

Saute the onion and pear until very soft, about 10 minutes. Add the curry, cinnamon, ginger, and cayenne pepper and let them toast for a minute, then add the squash. Add the chicken or vegetable broth and let it all simmer for another 10 minutes.

Puree the soup with an immersion blender or in a blender (but be careful to do it in small batches...splattering liquids are HOT!).

Keep warm, and taste to correct seasoning if needed. Serve with a small swirl of heavy cream or half and half, if desired.

I am very lucky

September always hit me hard. I don't know why, but it does. I think perhaps it's back to school time, the new beginnings that a new school year brings. Or perhaps it's the weather - getting cool again and changing to my favorite time of the year. Whatever it is, I always feel as though I should be doing SOMETHING in the fall. The trouble is, I don't know what it is that I feel I should be doing!

This has been a great day. I got to eat breakfast with Patrick, who just got home from a business trip to Hawaii. I know, I know... lucky duck. One of these days I hope to visit Hawaii, but this trip came upon him so quickly, he found out that he was going 5 days before he flew. We looked at plane tickets, but since we don't have an extra $2000 to spend at this time... I stayed home.


He had a good time, and even though he was working he found some time to get some much-needed relaxation. He drank Mai Tai's and visited with some military friends who are stationed in Hawaii now. I know he is happy to be home, but I'm sure he is wishing he had just a few more days to swim in the ocean!

After my walk this morning, I did something that I haven't done in a while - Morning Pages. Every few years, I re-read "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, and try to incorporate her teachings into my life. I even bought several of her other books, but I haven't sat down with them. Yet. One of the many things on my rather large to-do list. However, after today I think that goes to the top of my list.

I had a bit of an epiphany while I was writing my Morning Pages this morning:

I am one very lucky woman

(And, it's not just that Patrick surprised me with a purse I have been eying since Vegas!) It's that he lets me be... me. And despite that, he loves me anyway. He has let me take this time to try to figure out what I want to do, who and what I want to be. I spend so much time and energy disliking myself, and second guessing everything I do or want to do. Yet, he is there for me and he supports me.

But, it's not just Patrick. I have good friends, who although they don't live in the same state, they are wonderful, and they support me as well. I have been feeling bereft, so far away from everyone. But today I did something I very rarely do because I'm always afraid of bothering people. I called an old friend who I recently found on Facebook. This is someone I hadn't seen or talked with since we were in middle school together. We had a fantastic conversation - caught up on our lives, our wants, fears, and more. I hope that I helped her feel as though someone is there for her, because she helped me realize that even if I feel as though I have nothing to say, or nothing new to say - that perhaps I can say it in a different way. I have always wanted to be a writer, so I need to write. The talk with her also made me realize that I need to stay connected or re-connect with my friends. If they are busy, they either won't answer the phone, or ask me to call another time.

It's been a pretty good day. And now I get to go have even more fun and put together a hopefully delicious soup for that wonderful husband of mine! I am pretty lucky.

Not blogging from Las Vegas

O.K., my intentions were noble. I was going to blog several times from Vegas about the things that we were doing, and the food that we were eating, but.... Well. I didn't. At all. We've been home now for a week, and I am just now sitting down to write.

Patrick had to go to Las Vegas for two conventions. He hadn't been there since he was a kid, and I've never done Vegas, so we thought it would be a good for me to tag along. Especially since our 15th wedding anniversary is in a mere two months, and because he hasn't accumulated very many vacation days yet, our dream of a cruise to Alaska or a trip to England just wasn't going to happen!




Anywho... The conferences that Patrick attended were hacking conventions - Black Hat and Def Con. As in computer hacking and the security aspects that go along with it. We were sufficiently warned about the conference. Several of the things we were told were not to bring any device with wifi into the hotels that were holding the conventions and not to use the ATM there either. But I figured that we were not staying in the same hotels with the conference, and we have a Mac! When I decided that I had seen enough to blog about, I pulled out my laptop, and went to log in, and saw several wifi connections - one was named "Virus". I thought about the chances of being hacked on a Mac, but decided to go with my gut and NOT connect. I don't like to gamble with much of anything, including the computer!

As stated, I'm not much of a gambler. So, Vegas was a little boring for me while Patrick was busy with the conference. It was unbearably hot, although not too much hotter than St. Louis. But I don't spend very much time outside walking around here!

The next sentence will shock those of you who know me: I spent several days at the pool. Thankfully I found a great spot under umbrellas and shaded by trees. It was quite nice and relaxing once I got over my panic attack of wearing a bathing suit for the first time in years! I stepped out of my comfort zone, and wow was it hard. Even before leaving the room, dressed in my new bathing suit and cover up, my heart was pounding like mad and I was having trouble breathing. The long walk to the elevator and then to the pool was pure torture. I was hunched over trying to hide, and shaking! I was in pure panic being in a bathing suit. By the second day, I was a little more comfortable, although the only time I took the cover up off was when I was in the pool. Perhaps next time I'll be better. Maybe. We'll see.

I spent a lot of time writing Morning Pages, which I hadn't done in a long time. As well as window shopping, and drooling at all of the beautiful things that I wanted but can't afford! With all of the Tiffany, Louis Vuitton, Prada, Fendi, Gucci and the like... Oh my. See, I have a purse addiction, so it was very hard to walk out of those stores without big bags. But, I did it. Several months ago I promised myself that once I lose a certain amount of weight that I will buy one of those purses. I was originally thinking it was going to be a Louis Vuitton, but now, I'm not sure.




We spent several nights and days at the Fontana Bar in the Bellagio. We spent most of our time in the Bellagio. It was so easy to just stay in the hotel, rather than go out into the heat. And watching the fountains from the patio was very beautiful and relaxing.

We did not eat one bad thing the week we were there. But it's hard to say what my favorite meal was. I fell in love with the bread basket and the tapenade at Todd English's Olives. I truly wonder if I could live on that bread, wine and cheese? I would be very happy if I did! I have been using my bread machine instead of making it by hand for the past few years, but I think that is going to change soon.

The dim sum at Noodles in the Bellagio was fantastic.

But I do think that the best evening belongs to our dinner at Sensi before we went to the Cirque du Soleil show of "O". The whole evening was wonderful, and I can't wait to see both "O" again, as well as other Cirque du Soleil show. Sensi was fantastic, between the attentive wait staff, the unique mixture of textures in the design of the restaurant itself - mixed stones, water features, different woods and glass, and the delicious food, oh, it was pure delight. I was excited to see Tandoori Butter Chicken on the menu because I had recently read a fantastic article on NPR about this dish that intrigued me greatly. It did not disappoint and I think that I will be making this dish soon. If you want to make it, just click on Tandoori butter chicken to see the article, and recipe. Of course, I can't make it too often, if I want to get that Louis Vuitton!

ZenJen's Dream Board

Sandy at Peaceful Daily says it best:
A vision board is a place where you keep everything that you want
to create in your life.

For several months now I've had the idea for a dream or vision board rolling around in my head. I've been thinking about what pictures and words that I needed to help me concentrate on what I want in life. I knew that a dream board would help me visualize these thoughts, and give me something to focus on while I was meditating. Or, I suppose I should say while I am trying to meditate because I'm not very good! Yet.

But, I never got down to the nitty-gritty and actually created one. I was going to create it the manual way - cutting out pictures and words that I liked and posting them to a board. Using my own calligraphy to write out words that would help me.

Words like Friends, Family, Strength, Travel, Peace...

But a few weeks ago, while reading my emails - I read about dream boards in my Peaceful Daily email. I enjoy getting these daily updates, and have used several of the ideas in my life. When I read that there may be an easier way to create a Dream Board, I was ecstatic. Then I saw that it was on Oprah's website, and I was not sure. I have a lot of respect and like Oprah, but I don't watch her show (I don't watch daytime television) and until today I had never visited her website. But I will say I was very impressed with how easy it was to create my own board. I didn't use any of my own personal pictures, but you can if you have them on your computer. I'm very happy with my first board, although I will probably use some of my own pictures, and calligraphy for my second board. I'm already thinking of making another with other goals and hopes!

I hope that you will make your own board, it is quick and easy at
O Dream Board. I look forward to seeing what dreams you have!

A delicious Almond Blueberry Coffeecake to say I'm sorry

I knew it had been a long time since I've written, but I hadn't realized just how long it has been until today. Wow. I'm not exactly sure what I've been up to for the past - ahem - 2 months or so. But, I feel as though I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. There have been so many days when I've made something, and thought "I have GOT to write about this!", and then haven't done so. There have been more days when I've been busy in the kitchen, and once I taste the finished product, have thought to myself "Nope, not good enough to share."

We didn't buy a lot of packaged foods before, but I think I have been doing quite well with using even less. I've made several batches of crackers, and last week I spent hours fighting cherries and blueberries making a ton of freezer jam. I noticed this morning that my fingers are finally back to a flesh color!

This was only some of the mess I made while crushing the cherries. There was cherry juice EVERYWHERE.

This is only the cherry jam. When I was done with the blueberry jam, I was so tired, I forgot to take a picture. But I didn't mind the mess or the exhaustion because now we've got plenty of jam in the freezer to add to our homemade yogurt, and to use in recipes.

Lately, every morning for breakfast, Patrick has a yogurt and something extra. This week, I asked him what he had a craving for, and he requested a coffeecake. I don't make coffeecakes very often, and when I do make them we usually eat them as dessert. As soon as he mentioned it, I knew I wanted to use some of this bounty of jam I have stashed in the freezer.

I looked through a lot of my cookbooks, and couldn't find a recipe that matched what I had already come up with in my head. One of my favorite cookbooks is "The American Country Inn and Bed and Breakfast Cookbook" by Kitty and Lucian Maynard. I have both Volume One and Volume Two as well as the Best Recipes Collection. In Volume One I found a recipe for an Apple Coffee Cake from Murphy's House Bed and Breakfast in Great Fall, Montana that I knew I could tweak to get the results that I was looking for. This will definitely be a recipe that I make more often!

Almond Blueberry Coffeecake

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
2 teaspoon almond extract
3 cups all purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
approximately 20 ounces of jam, any flavor
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons melted butter

Preheat the oven to 350. Grease a 9x13 inch baking pan.

In a medium mixing bowl cream the 1/2 cup butter and the 1 cup sugar with an electric mixer. Add the eggs, the almond extract and the milk, mixing well after each addition.

In a separate bowl combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture.

Pour half of the batter into the prepared baking pan. Spoon half of the jam over the batter. Repeat with remaining batter and jam. Sprinkle the top of the final jam layer with brown sugar and nuts. Drizzle with melted butter. Bake for 35-45 minutes until a wooden toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Serve warm.

Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done

All You Need is Love (Lennon-McCartney)

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time It's easy.

Is it easy?

If anyone has noticed, I haven't blogged in a while. I understand if you haven't been paying attention. I've been going through a crisis of sorts. Everyday I think about things I can blog about, recipes to share or thoughts about life. But then I over-analyze it all. I get the song "All You Need is Love" going through my head. Along with the philosophy that nothing in the universe is new - that everything has been done before. Most importantly I think about how I doubt my capacity to do it better than those who have come before me.

Honestly, I've always had this problem. I am only now realizing that this is the main reason why I have such a hard time finishing, well, anything. I am terrific at starting things, but finishing them... I know that this is not a healthy way to look at life, and yet I find it difficult to change.

I'm not working right now, because I'm supposed to be trying to write the "next Great Novel". But I find myself unable to write. Unable to put the ideas and thoughts I have to paper (or computer). I fight with myself because I am so afraid of hurting any one's feelings if I happen to write something that even as a hint suggests friends or family.

I guess you could say I'm really not sure what I'm doing. But I guess the next question I have for everyone is this: Does anyone really know what they are doing with their lives?

I truly envy those who know exactly what they want to do or be. A few years ago on our trip to Vienna and Prague we met this young woman who astounded me. She was an American visiting Vienna and it's symphonies. She was a high school student who played the flute, and her mother and aunt were with her. After talking with her mother for a while, I learned that this young woman had asked for a flute when she was 4. Four. She had seen someone playing a flute on TV, and decided that was what she wanted to do. She spent hours every day practicing her flute. She studied and was learning everything she could about Classical music. All I kept thinking as I was talking with this brilliant young woman was "Wow. To know without a doubt what you want to do in life. Wow."

I'm edging closer and closer to that 40 mark, and I still have no clue what I want to do when I grow up. Do you know what you want to do?

Okay, enough philosophy and ramblings for today. Because I do have a recipe I want to share with you.

I've made Baked Penne with Roasted Vegetables by Giada De Laurentis that I found on FoodTV twice now. Each time I make it I'm surprised with how much I like it. This last time I made it, we were shopping at the Commissary and I was unable to find either Fontina or smoked mozzarella. For those of you who are lucky enough not to have had the pleasure of shopping at the Commissary, it is the grocery store on all US Military Installations. The Commissary is a great store where you can normally save money on groceries. However, it is hard to get "gourmet" things there sometimes. I substituted regular mozzarella and gruyere cheese with wonderful results.

Baked Penne with Roasted Vegetables

from Giada De Laurentis

2 red bell peppers, cored and cut into 1 inch wide strips

2 each zucchini and summer squash, quartered lengthwise and cut into 1 inch cubes

4 cremini mushrooms, halved

1 yellow onion, peeled and sliced into 1 inch strips

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1 teaspoon salt, divided

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, divided

1 tablespoon dried Italian herb mix or herbs de Provence

1 pound penne pasta

3 cups marinara sauce (store bought or homemade)

1 cup grated fontina cheese

1/2 cup grated smoked mozzarella

1 1/2 cups frozen peas, thawed

1/4 cup grate Parmesan, plus 1/3 cup for topping

2 tablespoons butter, cut into small pieces

Preheat the oven to 450F.

On a baking sheet, toss the peppers, zucchini, squash, mushrooms, and onions with the olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and dried herbs. Roast until tender, about 15 minutes. (I roasted the vegetables the last time I made this recipe for a total of 25 minutes.)

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook for about 6 minutes. Since you will cooking the pasta a second time in the oven, you want to make sure he inside is still hard. Drain in a colander.

In a large bowl, toss the drained pasta with the roasted vegetables, marinara sauce, cheeses, peas and remaining salt and pepper. Using a wooden spoon, gently mix, until all the pasta is coated with the sauce and the ingredients are combined.

Pour the pasta into a greased 9 by 13 inch pan. Top with the remaining 1/3 cup Parmesan and butter pieces. Bake until top is golden and the cheese melts, about 25 minutes.

I lead a quiet life

I think it all started some time ago, when I read the Isabel Dalhousie mysteries by Alexander McCall Smith, and I fell in love with his writing, the charming and gentle nature of the stories as well as the moral conundrums that are posed within the books. I feel very connected with the main character and her fights with philosophy. She leads a very quiet and gentle life .

I lead a quiet life.

I've had this sentence going through my head for several weeks, if not months now. I've wanted to describe the feeling, yet I haven't felt ready to put those words down into any tangible form. Today I woke up and decided to try to put some meaning behind this sentiment.

I lead a quiet life. I think some people think that my life is boring, and to be honest, sometimes I think it is as well. My quiet life is partly by design, but also because of circumstances. I think some people like me, have spent so much of their lives with drama... with complications that we like things quiet... easy.

It has taken me a very long time to realize that there are two places that make me feel completely at peace. That help silence the nagging and the guilt and the frustrations that I feel. I can't believe that it took me so long to figure these out, but I am happy that I know now! The first one I think I always have known, and it is near water. Any large body of water. I love to sit or stand and just be. I stare out at the water and feel a great peace come over me. As we are in the Midwest right now, I don't get a chance to sit and stare at water much - but I'm hoping we will be back to water someday! And NO - I do not count the Mississippi as water. At least not in the ST. Louis area.

The second I should have known, because I am a reader, and always have been. The second place that I find my peace in is a bookstore. Preferably a quiet one with lots of wood shelves and creaky stairs leading you into further areas to explore. My absolute favorite bookstore is The Elliot Bay Book Company in Pioneer Square in Seattle. They unfortunately are relocating out of the walls that I remember and love into a new flagship store. I want to cry when I think that I have not stepped foot into that wonderful establishment in over 10 years, and since they closed at the end of March, I will not get a chance to again. I have found one bookstore here in St. Louis which is similar, but not quite the same - Left Bank Books. Thankfully, now that we have a house, and I am lucky enough to have an office where I can put my books, I can sit in here and stare at my bookcases (below is one of my bookcases), and let the peace wash over me.


A perfect quiet day for me is taking the dog for a walk. Meditating or doing some form of exercise, then hopefully I get some writing in, or do any of the other projects I have dreamed up. Cooking something good and good for us, perhaps letting it simmer or bake while I am curled up on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea. And then, perhaps when Patrick gets home we'll watch a movie or some TV that we've DVR'ed. By then it is normally time for bed, only to start the day over again tomorrow...

Someday I hope to have children, to be close to friends, and to have more going on. But for now, I am enjoying my quiet life. It has taken me a long time to get here, and to (almost) be comfortable with it. But I'm happy I'm here.