I am very lucky

September always hit me hard. I don't know why, but it does. I think perhaps it's back to school time, the new beginnings that a new school year brings. Or perhaps it's the weather - getting cool again and changing to my favorite time of the year. Whatever it is, I always feel as though I should be doing SOMETHING in the fall. The trouble is, I don't know what it is that I feel I should be doing!

This has been a great day. I got to eat breakfast with Patrick, who just got home from a business trip to Hawaii. I know, I know... lucky duck. One of these days I hope to visit Hawaii, but this trip came upon him so quickly, he found out that he was going 5 days before he flew. We looked at plane tickets, but since we don't have an extra $2000 to spend at this time... I stayed home.


He had a good time, and even though he was working he found some time to get some much-needed relaxation. He drank Mai Tai's and visited with some military friends who are stationed in Hawaii now. I know he is happy to be home, but I'm sure he is wishing he had just a few more days to swim in the ocean!

After my walk this morning, I did something that I haven't done in a while - Morning Pages. Every few years, I re-read "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, and try to incorporate her teachings into my life. I even bought several of her other books, but I haven't sat down with them. Yet. One of the many things on my rather large to-do list. However, after today I think that goes to the top of my list.

I had a bit of an epiphany while I was writing my Morning Pages this morning:

I am one very lucky woman

(And, it's not just that Patrick surprised me with a purse I have been eying since Vegas!) It's that he lets me be... me. And despite that, he loves me anyway. He has let me take this time to try to figure out what I want to do, who and what I want to be. I spend so much time and energy disliking myself, and second guessing everything I do or want to do. Yet, he is there for me and he supports me.

But, it's not just Patrick. I have good friends, who although they don't live in the same state, they are wonderful, and they support me as well. I have been feeling bereft, so far away from everyone. But today I did something I very rarely do because I'm always afraid of bothering people. I called an old friend who I recently found on Facebook. This is someone I hadn't seen or talked with since we were in middle school together. We had a fantastic conversation - caught up on our lives, our wants, fears, and more. I hope that I helped her feel as though someone is there for her, because she helped me realize that even if I feel as though I have nothing to say, or nothing new to say - that perhaps I can say it in a different way. I have always wanted to be a writer, so I need to write. The talk with her also made me realize that I need to stay connected or re-connect with my friends. If they are busy, they either won't answer the phone, or ask me to call another time.

It's been a pretty good day. And now I get to go have even more fun and put together a hopefully delicious soup for that wonderful husband of mine! I am pretty lucky.