I am very lucky

September always hit me hard. I don't know why, but it does. I think perhaps it's back to school time, the new beginnings that a new school year brings. Or perhaps it's the weather - getting cool again and changing to my favorite time of the year. Whatever it is, I always feel as though I should be doing SOMETHING in the fall. The trouble is, I don't know what it is that I feel I should be doing!

This has been a great day. I got to eat breakfast with Patrick, who just got home from a business trip to Hawaii. I know, I know... lucky duck. One of these days I hope to visit Hawaii, but this trip came upon him so quickly, he found out that he was going 5 days before he flew. We looked at plane tickets, but since we don't have an extra $2000 to spend at this time... I stayed home.


He had a good time, and even though he was working he found some time to get some much-needed relaxation. He drank Mai Tai's and visited with some military friends who are stationed in Hawaii now. I know he is happy to be home, but I'm sure he is wishing he had just a few more days to swim in the ocean!

After my walk this morning, I did something that I haven't done in a while - Morning Pages. Every few years, I re-read "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, and try to incorporate her teachings into my life. I even bought several of her other books, but I haven't sat down with them. Yet. One of the many things on my rather large to-do list. However, after today I think that goes to the top of my list.

I had a bit of an epiphany while I was writing my Morning Pages this morning:

I am one very lucky woman

(And, it's not just that Patrick surprised me with a purse I have been eying since Vegas!) It's that he lets me be... me. And despite that, he loves me anyway. He has let me take this time to try to figure out what I want to do, who and what I want to be. I spend so much time and energy disliking myself, and second guessing everything I do or want to do. Yet, he is there for me and he supports me.

But, it's not just Patrick. I have good friends, who although they don't live in the same state, they are wonderful, and they support me as well. I have been feeling bereft, so far away from everyone. But today I did something I very rarely do because I'm always afraid of bothering people. I called an old friend who I recently found on Facebook. This is someone I hadn't seen or talked with since we were in middle school together. We had a fantastic conversation - caught up on our lives, our wants, fears, and more. I hope that I helped her feel as though someone is there for her, because she helped me realize that even if I feel as though I have nothing to say, or nothing new to say - that perhaps I can say it in a different way. I have always wanted to be a writer, so I need to write. The talk with her also made me realize that I need to stay connected or re-connect with my friends. If they are busy, they either won't answer the phone, or ask me to call another time.

It's been a pretty good day. And now I get to go have even more fun and put together a hopefully delicious soup for that wonderful husband of mine! I am pretty lucky.

To the joy of friendship

I don't spend as much time on the computer as I probably should. I can usually find many other things to do with my time - reading, meditating, cooking and cleaning (well, perhaps thinking about cooking and cleaning is more apt) are the activities that take up most of my time. I spend a lot of my free time thinking of the many things that I want to write about - I even have lists dedicated to these ideas.

But one thing that I have really enjoyed about the little bit of time that I have spent online lately is the re-connecting with friends. With all the moving around that we have done in the last 13 years, we have lost touch with many of our friends. I have a suspicion that even if you are not in the military and moving around as much as we were - that would still be the case. I think it is normal to get so busy with life, that you don't realize that one or even ten years have passed since you spoke with a good friend!

I have been trying to be better at keeping in touch with friends, and I think that I am. I have been chatting online, calling and even getting a chance to see some friends. A few months ago I found my friend's Todd and Kathy on Facebook that we were stationed with in Korea. We had not seen or spoken with them since 1998. This past weekend they were here in St. Louis for their daughter Nicole's Rugby tournament. We got a chance to meet up with them and catch up and watch some Rugby. If you are like me, you may not have even known that their was women's rugby - but trust me, there is, and they can be as brutal as the men's teams! The weekend was of course, much too short - but it was great to meet up with them again, and I am hoping to be able to see them and many of my other friends much more often!

(Just as an ending, I really need to remember to take more pictures. I am still getting used to this, and that I need to take pictures of everything. I did not get any pictures of all of us together - or of their family together. Sigh... I am learning, even if it is taking me a while!)