Treading Water

"Life runs by so that your spirit can stay calmly in one spot."
- Anonymous

It has been way too long since I've been here, and done this. I have no excuses. I have many recipes and thoughts that I have wanted to share, but for some reason sitting down and writing hasn't been something I've been doing. I even considered not writing, but I have come to the realization that this site is more for me than for anyone else. And because of that, isn't it more important for me to do it?!

Which brings me to today's thoughts. I'm always trying to get back into writing Morning Pages from The Artists Way. I've written about Morning Pages and The Artist's Way before. As Julia Cameron writes on her website: Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages-- they are not high art. They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind-- and they are for your eyes only.

I'll be the first to say that I don't do my Morning Pages every day. Nor do I always do three pages. But I will say that I find the act of doing the work very therapeutic. It helps stretch my mind, my thoughts and gets me thinking outside of the box, as they say.

I find that two books help me open up my mind philosophically and give me ideas to meditate and write about. The first is "365 Tao, Daily Meditations" by Deng Ming-Dao. I was reminded about this book from an old elementary school friend that I've recently been in touch with on Facebook. Soon after we found each other, she wrote a quote from this book, and I remembered that I had the book as well, somewhere. After searching high and low, I found it along with a book that I bought close-out some years ago and promptly forgot about called "The Celestial Fortune Cookie" by Andrea Valeria, which is an Astrological Book of Days with Quotations for Every Sign.

One of the quotations for today from the Celestial Fortune Cookie was the quote at the top: "Life runs by so that your spirit can stay calmly in one spot." - Anonymous. This quotation really interested me this morning because I definitely need to learn to stay calmly in one spot! I sometime wonder if I have a borderline ADD personality because I find it hard to sit still and only do one thing. Lately I feel as though I am trying to chase after all of my dreams, all of the time. And the worst part is that unfortunately it seems as though I'm only chasing them in my head.

It's as though all I'm doing is treading water. I have all of these ideas, some good - some not. Ideas for my novel, ideas for this blog, crafts and art projects... but I can't seem to bring any of them to fruition.

Perhaps I need to concentrate on sitting still and letting life run by.

I am very lucky

September always hit me hard. I don't know why, but it does. I think perhaps it's back to school time, the new beginnings that a new school year brings. Or perhaps it's the weather - getting cool again and changing to my favorite time of the year. Whatever it is, I always feel as though I should be doing SOMETHING in the fall. The trouble is, I don't know what it is that I feel I should be doing!

This has been a great day. I got to eat breakfast with Patrick, who just got home from a business trip to Hawaii. I know, I know... lucky duck. One of these days I hope to visit Hawaii, but this trip came upon him so quickly, he found out that he was going 5 days before he flew. We looked at plane tickets, but since we don't have an extra $2000 to spend at this time... I stayed home.


He had a good time, and even though he was working he found some time to get some much-needed relaxation. He drank Mai Tai's and visited with some military friends who are stationed in Hawaii now. I know he is happy to be home, but I'm sure he is wishing he had just a few more days to swim in the ocean!

After my walk this morning, I did something that I haven't done in a while - Morning Pages. Every few years, I re-read "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, and try to incorporate her teachings into my life. I even bought several of her other books, but I haven't sat down with them. Yet. One of the many things on my rather large to-do list. However, after today I think that goes to the top of my list.

I had a bit of an epiphany while I was writing my Morning Pages this morning:

I am one very lucky woman

(And, it's not just that Patrick surprised me with a purse I have been eying since Vegas!) It's that he lets me be... me. And despite that, he loves me anyway. He has let me take this time to try to figure out what I want to do, who and what I want to be. I spend so much time and energy disliking myself, and second guessing everything I do or want to do. Yet, he is there for me and he supports me.

But, it's not just Patrick. I have good friends, who although they don't live in the same state, they are wonderful, and they support me as well. I have been feeling bereft, so far away from everyone. But today I did something I very rarely do because I'm always afraid of bothering people. I called an old friend who I recently found on Facebook. This is someone I hadn't seen or talked with since we were in middle school together. We had a fantastic conversation - caught up on our lives, our wants, fears, and more. I hope that I helped her feel as though someone is there for her, because she helped me realize that even if I feel as though I have nothing to say, or nothing new to say - that perhaps I can say it in a different way. I have always wanted to be a writer, so I need to write. The talk with her also made me realize that I need to stay connected or re-connect with my friends. If they are busy, they either won't answer the phone, or ask me to call another time.

It's been a pretty good day. And now I get to go have even more fun and put together a hopefully delicious soup for that wonderful husband of mine! I am pretty lucky.